Hey, Blog. It's Me, Mama.

Dear Blog, 

My sweet and wonderful little blog. How I haved missed you. I am writing this post on what is normally the last day of my work week. If I were not at home, I would not be writing this post. Instead, I would be scrubbing fryers and floors, cooking chicken and cutting meat. Yay. But, alas, I am here with you, spending some *much needed* quality time. 

I have neglected you as of late, sweet bloggy. But, I can't help it. Life has been so crazy lately. I know we all say that, but for realz. 

Why am I not at work? Because I have a week off! Yay (or nay.)! Yay for a week at home, but nay for other reasons. . . 

As many of you know, I have been suffering from some very aggravating and serious health issues since around October or November. I was diagnosed with Wolff Parkinson White syndrome, a heart condition that basically makes my heart work twice as hard as most people's. I have an extra circuit in my heart, and it sucks. 

I also have no health insurance. I have always been one of the ones without health insurance, but it has never fully affected me to this extent. I have been fighting, and I mean, literally fighting, to find a way to get the procedure I need to fix my heart, since I found out what it was. Problem is, the surgery is around  $30,000+, and that ain't happenin' around here. 

Luckily, after rounds and rounds of horrible fighting, and literally crying after leaving various offices, I have been approved for financial assistance through the great and allmighty University of Kentucky hospital. I will finally get my procedure done on Tuesday. 

I am absolutely scared shitless, but I know what has to be done. Let's face the facts. First and foremost, we are poor. If I don't get this procedure done, I will have to (no ifs ands or buts) take medication for the rest of my life. This medication costs upwards of $100 per month, and the side effects make me feel like shit. The constant fear and anxiety of wondering when my chest is going to decide to hurt is too much for me to handle. (You see, the medication doesn't stop the episodes of my heart acting crazy, it just keeps them from happening so often. So you know it's coming, you just don't know when.)

I hate the feeling that I get when I have an "episode". Dizzy, lightheaded, my heart beats so hard I can literally see it moving through my shirt. I don't know what a heart attack feels like, but I would think it is something like this. I am so tired, fatigued and run down that I can't even play with my kids. I fall asleep at the drop of a hat. (Thus, blog slacking as of late.) I have gained almost 20 lbs because I can't exercise without starting an episode. 

So tomorrow, they will call, and tell me the time to be there on Tuesday. On Tuesday, I will go to have a catheter ablation done. They will cut my groin on both sides, and my neck. They will insert a catheter up to my heart, and then they will check stuff out. They will do a 3D mapping of my heart and find out where the "bad circuit" is located. I will be awake, but sedated. (Let's hope VERY sedated.) Then, they will either burn or freeze the extra pathway off, depending on what my electrophysiologist  decides is best.

I hear that I will be able to feel the actual "burning" of the pathway. I know that afterwards I will have to lay flat for 4-6 hours to make sure everything clots as normal. I hear that after the procedure, my symptoms can feel the same, worse even, as my heart heals. I hear that my heart can be swollen and actually hurt worse for a while, since it is irritated by the catheter. I have read that it can take up to six months to know for sure if the procedure was a success or not. The extra pathway also "regrows" itself in 5-10% of patients, and I will have to have another ablation done if that happens. If the doctor cuts the wrong circuit, I can have to have a pacemaker installed. If the circuit is in a "bad" place, he says he will just stop and do nothing. 

I really like my surgeon. He is nice, friendly, and honest. I trust him. He has said since the very beginning that I am only 26 years old and I should not have to take medication and live in fear for the rest of my life. I agree with that. He says that my kids need a mom that can run and play with them. I agree with that. He says my safety and comfort is his first priority, and if he has to stop the procedure and leave me the way I am, then he will if that is the best option. I like that. I am not excited at all for the complications that could arise, or what will happen if the surgery is not successful. But, I guess I really don't have a choice now. Like my doctor said, I had to go through hell to get this financial assistance, so we better get this over with before they take it away again. 

I am not a religious person. (understatement). I put my faith in the technologies of modern science and medicine, and in the skill and abilities of a man I barely know. I don't really have a choice. I am doing this for my kids, and in order to be there for them longer than my parents were here for me. 

So,on Tuesday, everybody wish me luck and think happy thoughts for mama! I have been waiting a long time for this and I am ready to get it done!

So, while Mama is recovering, if you would like to check out another great blog, SuperMom Wannabe has a great blog!