Friday, June 28, 2013

Am I Crazy?

No, wait. Don't answer that. I already know the answer. 

But, really now... I need advice, I need opinions, I need someone to either talk me out of what I'm about to do, or stand in my corner and cheer me on, and make me feel better about the situation. Either one is fine, really.. Just pick a side, and let's go with it.

I think I'm going to go back to school. 

For real this time. I tried my hand at college once before, right out of high school. (And, by tried my hand, I mean, slept a few nights a week at an all-girls college, while running around, blowing money and drinking lots of bourbon for the other nights)......... But it didn't work out. I decided I wanted to come home, I wanted my own apartment, and I wanted to move in with my boyfriend (now my hubby). But, I knew it was the wrong choice.. even as I was doing it I knew it was the wrong choice.. I mean, I still could have moved back home, gotten my own apartment, moved in with the hubs, but I didn't have to leave school too. I know that now. I knew it would be hard to go back, I knew it, and I left anyway. It was one of those decisions that I was vividly aware was the wrong decision, but I kept making it anyway. Back then, I didn't trust my gut well enough I guess... 

Anyhow, nine, almost ten short years later... here I am... I've tried to go back a few times before, but it's never worked out.. and now, two babies later, I'm ready. 

However, I've kinda got my feet wet with a few other things right now... Like these two kids I'm taking care of, for the next 17 years... you know, my kids... I don't have a mom or a dad, or an extended family who can take care of them. We don't do babysitters, either.. I don't trust anyone else with my babies but me. So, yeah, there's that.. But, I am going to do online classes, so I can still be at home.. Easy peasy, right? 

But what about this blog? The thing that I love, the thing that is my passion, the thing that now pays the bills and keeps us going, and allows us to go and do things that we otherwise wouldn't be able to? Can I go to school, take care of the boys,and keep up this blog? 

What about my house? Can I keep it (relatively) clean, cook dinner, go to the grocery, run errands? Oh yeah, and then there's that other thing... 

We're homeschooling now. Remember? I've been looking forward to the chance to home school my boys for years now. And now ,it's finally time. I am not willing to give that up for me to go back to school. So, it looks like I am going to have to juggle. A lot. 

Can I do it? Is it even possible? I think I can do it, but I always think I can do everything..That's my fault, I guess, the impossible perception that I can really conquer the world if I try hard enough, make enough to do lists, and skip out on enough sleep.. But is that logical?
Are there any moms out there who have been down this path? Anybody braved these waters before me? I know someone has to have done this before.. So, I need you... Tell me what to do.. I am hoping I can just buy a big enough planner, schedule my days out in advance, figure everything out as I go, use the crockpot more LOL, and fit everything into my life. There has to be a way, right? 

This is something that I've put off long enough, something that I want so bad I can taste it, and I can't let it go now. So, I am just going to have to juggle... If you have any juggling tips for me, leave them below, because I need all the help I can get! 

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