Saturday, June 16, 2012

Decisions, decisions.. 

It seems like every thing in my life these days is based on the fact that I need to make a decision. 

I am kind of tired of making decisions. I would like for everything to just kind of fall into place now.
As most of you know, I quit my job about a month ago, to go back to being a stay at home mom where I belong. 

Or at least, where I thought I belonged. 

My hubs got a second job, making much more than I was at my job. 

He stands by the sentiment that he would much rather work two jobs and have me here with the boys than have to do dinner, baths, bed, etc by himself like he has done for the past year. 

I am very grateful for that. 

However, I have the never ending guilt that I am doing nothing to help pay the bills, and am just dead weight.

I mean, the blog makes me a little bit of money and gets us some cool stuff, but not enough to pay the bills. 

So, when I heard about a *giant, worldwide, book and other stuff online retailer* opening a call center in a town about an hour away, I went online and filled out the application. 

They sent me an email. I took a online test and I passed. I have an interview on the 26th. 

The job pays $15/hour, plus benefits. 

But it is not that simple. 

Getting the job would mean having to get a new car. We are a one car family right now, and are paying on the car we have. I would have to get my own car to take this job. That will cut into the $$$ that I would be making. And additional car insurance. 

On top of that, the extra gas would be out of this world. A two hour commute each day? At least $100 a week in gas for me, on top of my hubby's hour commute each day. 

And, the real kicker. Someone to keep my kids. 

This would be so hard. After school care for Tater, a babysitter or daycare (oh, please, not daycare!) for Bean. We're talking at least $150 a week! 

At the end of all that would I really be making any money? I don't know. 

Why don't we just move closer to our jobs? Was the resounding question for me. 

Because our damn, old, falling apart house (with land) is almost paid off. I'm talking,  within a year.

I can't stop paying $300 a month for a house payment and go to paying $800-900 a month for an apartment. 

Not when we are this close. 

I don't want to live in this house forever, but I want to live on this land forever. 

I want my chickens, my garden, my little goats and such. 

I can't have that in an apartment. 

So, that is where I am.. What to do, what to do? 

Turn down this job? 

I don't want to, but I don't see it happening right now. 

Any advice from anyone on how to make the tough decisions? 

Because, plainly, I suck at it!

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